WHY NOT?!
I had a client identify for me what was going on for her today when she thought about binging. She first told me what she believed to be an event that affected her and caused her to feel "icky." Let's put a name to that emotion, I said. What's icky? Ever felt "icky" before, in another situation? She had. She was able to flesh it out a bit: sad, disappointed....
She went a little further, getting into how she used to weigh over 270 lbs, now is at 170...she's 5'11. History of binge eating. Explained that she used to feel this way a lot at that time in her life: always sad, self concious, isolated...and she associated this icky feeling with the loneliness that she used to feel so often. I never want to feel that way again, she said. Extremes is what I noticed first: always, never. We'd addressed her black and white thinking and how this backs her into a corner, feeling pressed and left without the ability to choose. She identified next what thoughts led her to the feeling of sadness and she had been ruminating on these six words: I shouldn't be feeling this way.
How come? As a human being is not sadness pretty normal? If i were a friend of hers and I told her I was feeling said, would she say to me, "You shouldnt feel that way" ?! It was uncomfortable, she wanted to change it, so she binged. Short term solution. Then she felt even more uncomfortable...guilt set in. Shame. So we worked on the following:
She recognized what she was feeling, but she didn't acknowledge it, sit with it for a bit. She didn't say, "wow, I'm really feeling like shit right now. I'm not really liking this. I'd like to change it, but where the heck is it coming from? Interesting. Okay, well, that makes sense.
I'm not asking her to sink into it, wallow in it, milk it for all it's worth, call people and tell them she's falling apart, have a pity party! I'm asking her to get in touch with it, not avoid it! The avoidance is what's making her move toward food to get away from it. So acknowledge, THEN move on it. The next step it to take action. Identify your choices. I actually did that this evening. I was wanting to avoid some work I knew I needed to get done but it felt tedious and getting started felt like the hardest part. I walked into the kitchen and pulled out the pita chips and pb. I stood there. I had just eaten dinner an hour before. I thought, you're totally doing this to pass the time and stall. How is this going to help you? I put them back and went to sit down and get started. Easy? No. I had to have a level of awareness to get there. And that takes practice. But she's doing it. Each action is a choice. You move to remove the chips from the cupboard. You can stop and ask yourself what's going on that is causing you to engage in that behavior.
Good stuff? She seemed to think so. Every single day she's improving. I talk to her every other day for phone updates and progressive work, and every time she's demonstrating to me that she's taking it in and using it, all to her benefit. Less binging, more empowerment, improved awareness, greater depth of relationships. It extends beyond food!
